


lost in the light and i don't know what night is

by poutings



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, i guess?, slight angst, yeah that's good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2017-06-17
Packaged: 2018-11-15 02:05:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11221026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poutings/pseuds/poutings
Summary: Remus is scared he's becoming someone he doesn't want to be, but Sirius is there to remind him who he is.





	lost in the light and i don't know what night is

**Author's Note:**

> honestly, I don't even know what this is, but I hope you enjoy it

As soon as Remus hits the tree line he breaks into a run. He runs and runs and runs, runs so fast he becomes the wolf chasing the moon. He feels a yell grow in his throat and he stops. 

He stops so abruptly that someone crashes into him. 

He takes a breath before he whips around because there hadn’t been anyone there before and comes face to face with Sirius.

“I can’t become him,” he says, desperate and out of breath. 

Sirius looks at him for a second before gently taking both of his hands in his. “Become whom?” he asks softly, too softly—Remus can barely hear him over the sound of his own ragged breathing.

It’s taking him longer than usual to catch his breath, his chest heaving like he ran all night and not just five minutes.

“The wolf,” he pants. “I can’t become him while I’m me. I’m _me_ ,” he repeats. 

In the back of his mind he knows he’s not making any sense—he doesn’t even really know what he’s talking about, but he knows he’s _scared, so scared_. 

Sirius rubs the backs of his hands with his thumbs, making a soothing sound in the back of his throat. “You aren’t him,” he insists. 

Remus just stares. Past his head and towards the sky. The moon is only a sliver, barely taking up any space in the sky, and yet Remus feels its pull, feels it so strong in his chest that he starts heaving again. 

“You aren’t,” Sirius says again. “You never will be.” 

Remus doesn’t respond, just stares and stares until it’s too much and he closes his eyes.

“Look at me, Remus,” Sirius says softly. So soft. Too soft. _Again._

Sirius has always been soft with Remus where he’s hard and jaded with everyone else.

Remus doesn’t look up, just keeps his eyes closed. He breathes in and out and counts backwards from ten. 

“Remus,” Sirius says again.

Remus breathes long and hard and finally looks Sirius in the eyes. 

“You’re not the wolf. It’s part of you, sure, but it’s not all of you. You’ll never be entirely wolf. You’re _you_. You’re smart and kind and thoughtful. You’re the heart of this group. No, don’t say it’s me or James because it isn’t and you know it. Jamie and I would crash and burn if we didn’t have you to tame the fire.” Sirius stops to take a breath and Remus rests his head on his shoulder, suddenly exhausted. 

The wolf inside him is tired. _He’s_ tired. 

“Thank you,” Remus says into Sirius’ neck, knowing Sirius will know he doesn’t mean thank you just for this, but for everything. For being his friend; for never leaving him no matter what he discovers; for laying next to him one night per month, making sure he’s safe and unhurt and _him_ ; for holding his hand while he loses his mind. 

He blames it on the exhaustion when he places a light kiss to Sirius’ neck. 

He lifts his head and looks past Sirius again. “Let’s go inside, Padfoot.”

Sirius runs his fingers through Remus’ hair, quickly and gently. “Okay, Moony.” 

When they finally get to the common room, Remus doesn’t think he has it in him to go up anymore stairs. 

“Can we,” he starts, but Sirius is already leading him towards the couch, supposedly reading his mind. 

Or maybe just reading the way Remus is leaning too heavily on Sirius’ side, dragging his feet like a child. 

“Yes,” Sirius says with a smile as he makes himself comfortable, Remus’ head in his lap and Sirius’ hands in his hair. 

Remus is just on the edge of sleep when Sirius’ voice brings him back.

“Moony,” he says quietly. “Can I ask you something?”

Remus makes a sound in the back of his throat, something he knows Sirius will take as a yes whether he meant it that way or not. 

But Sirius doesn’t say anything, just leans down and slots their mouths together, kissing him softly, gently, _lovingly._

He pulls away as quickly as he came, and Remus sits up, suddenly awake. 

He turns to face him, one eyebrow raised as he says, “Did you have a question?”

Sirius seems to have lost his words for good, though, because he doesn’t answer, just quirks the corners of his mouth up.

Remus leans back into him, kissing him longer and harder and more _desperate._

“Long time,” he says when they pull away again.

“What?” Sirius asks.

“I’ve wanted to do that for a long time,” Remus admits.

“Me too,” Sirius says. “Longer than I can remember.”

“Don’t be dramatic,” Remus says, and lays back down. 

“Go to sleep, Moony,” Sirius whispers, his hands drifting back to Remus’ hair, and Remus does. 


End file.
